I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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