I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
last night I used snow as a chaser
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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