She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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