i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
