apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
