My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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