my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
