I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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