Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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