just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
well you can't waste a boner
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
