Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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