WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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