its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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