I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Randomize
