Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
