Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
