Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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