I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
