i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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