So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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