lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
