Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
