so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
