Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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