Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
