hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
