a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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