so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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