she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
