When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
