On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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