Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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