Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
