So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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