I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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