WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
