I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
