I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
