Kiss
Puke
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
