did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
