so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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