That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
