I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
