Can i not drive my cunt home
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
