whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
