I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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