You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
