we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
