If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
