4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
