You're so nebulous sometimes
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
