So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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