I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
