Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My ATM looks so different sober.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
