Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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