the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
