i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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