I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
