I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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