Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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