You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
