I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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