tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.