I can feel you judging me through the phone.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
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I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary