I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?