I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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