I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
