yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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