Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
