She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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