I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
