We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
