he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
