We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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