oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
