Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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