Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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