i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
