my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
