Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
