a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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