I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
