I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i came on her dog
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
