i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
